Daddy Philosophy: On Beauty

I want you to ask yourself a question. How often throughout your life has someone complimented you on your physical appearance? The honest answer that I come up with is frequently and consistently. The point of this exercise is not to boast of how handsome I am, but to demonstrate that those people that possess a certain amount of conventional beauty are already going to be aware that people find them attractive…

If I had a dollar for every time I’d been randomly referred to as a “handsome young-man” from actual boyhood even up to today, I’d have enough bills to make it rain in the club if I were ever to engage in such foolishness. Similarly, I’ve lost track of how many female ‘friends’ have broken down to privately confess that they’ve always found me attractive…It’s a rather boring and incidental fact to me, much like being taller or smarter than average; so much so that I’ve inevitably been described pejoratively as “hot, but knows it”, as if the ideal person should lack self-confidence and insight into how they are perceived by others…

I wish I had some inspiring words, but this subject is about to take a cynical turn towards some ugly truths. Beauty is a subjective thing, but the preferences of the individual can be aggregated to arrive at some understanding. Envision the concept of beauty as existing on an axis with ugly and beautiful as the end points. The distribution of the population would present as a bell-curve with most people being in the middle territory of average. Whether people would accept it or not, most should know where they fall on this spectrum…

Now let’s look at compliments. It may surprise you that I consider a compliment from another to be a ‘red-flag’. It’s as if people are wholly unaware that flattery is one of the oldest and least sophisticated forms of manipulation. Many men for millennia have reasoned that all women yearn to be told how beautiful they are and often it is the first and sometimes only compliment given to a potential mate in the courtship process. I see it for what it is, a test of self-esteem, an offer of validation given to manipulate.

The psychology of self-esteem is significant to this topic, because the pernicious personality pattern of Pathological Narcissism is just a manifestion of a core lack of self esteem. Those people who overly concern themselves with outward appearances are demonstrating a shallow lack of emotional depth, a hallmark of such toxic personality styles as Narcissism and Histrionic. Willingness to lie and manipulate others also features heavily in Psychopathy and Narcissism. The point I’m trying to make here is both those whom give and those who value receiving compliments are expressing anti-social Cluster-B personality pathology…

Courtship customs were basically built around manipulating these flaws, you can choose to stop falling for these traps with a little bit of self-honesty. Beauty isn’t as valuable or meaningful to life as society would lead you to believe, and even if you do happen to possess it, hold it in it’s proper perspective. Healthy, balanced people don’t require constant admiration and validation, Narcissists do…

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