BDSM: What Goes Up Must Go Down

So you wanna be a bad-ass, in-control, invincible alpha dom, you’d better be tough, and I’m not just talking about physical strength. Being a good dom requires emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and psychological fortitude in abundance. However even the most stalwart and steadfast of us can sometimes be reduced to a blubbering mess of negative emotions by a common phenomenon; the dreaded drop…

One of the things that outsiders tend not to understand about BDSM is how it manipulates not just ones mental state, but that it has real physiological repercussions in terms of brain-chemistry. By introducing varying sensations from pleasure to pain and simulating varying emotional stressors like fear, humiliation, and degradation it activates many of the physical response systems of the body.

A well executed scene will leave both parties flooded with endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, and epinephrine among others. These chemicals produce a euphoric high, much like can usually only be experienced under the influence of certain drugs from the amphetamine family…

But perhaps you aren’t a practicing shaman like me, and have no experience with illicit drugs. As the old adage says plainly, ‘what goes up must come down’. Drops are essentially the come-down while your body struggles to balance out the chemistry and replenish the stores of these mood-altering chemicals. Basically it is a BDSM hangover, characterized by depressed mood. Experienced players will attempt to combat drops by providing what is termed aftercare.

Following scenes of sado-masochism the dom is usually responsible for providing comfort and affection to the sub. Each person is comforted by different things so aftercare is really personalized attention. This helps to return a sub into a real-world mind state, play-time, however rough it may have been, is just play; in the real world your tormentor should be able to flip a switch into an attentive and gentle care-giver. If your dom isn’t inquiring about your after-care needs before play they probably don’t know what they are doing and odds are you are going to get hurt emotionally…

Aftercare however isn’t a fool-proof preventative measure for drops, because not all drops happen immediately, sometimes taking hold hours or even days after a scene. This is often the case when the dom suffers from top-drop. For myself it is usually a period of 8-12 hours after a harsh scene.  Even doms with full-time relationships may be reduced to providing self-care under certain circumstances.

The early-warning signs took me a while to spot, but it usually starts with feelings of guilt, fear, and doubt. “Did I hurt my sub?”, “Did I go too far?”, “Why did I enjoy causing pain?”, “Am I a bad person?”; even though I clearly know the answers to these questions they inevitably arise as the mind seeks release from the cognitive dissonance of causing pain for pleasure. If your dom doesn’t occasionally have these sorts of thoughts they are probably a psycho…

From the guilt stage it usually progresses into sadness, it sure doesn’t make me feel very dominant to start crying for essentially no reason so I mostly do that in private. I also become hyper-sensitive to criticism during drops and more than one serious fight with a partner has arisen from such a circumstance.

Despite all of my experience and awareness it still strikes randomly and without warning and I can never quite master it,  I can only minimize the potential damage by spending some alone time in an offline environment, like a long hike in the woods…

This game is all about messing around with the body, the mind,  and the spirit, and when you play with bulls sometimes you get the horns…So next time you find yourself unreasonably out of sorts maybe think about when your last kinky session was before letting this easily explainable phenomenon cause any actual harm to yourself or your relationships…

 

 

5 Comments Add yours

  1. AT says:

    Have you found a combo of things that combat this? B12 shot, juicing, red bull, 5 hr energy shot, multivitamins, red meat, protein shakes, excessive sleep, hard liquor, indica…scarfing snickers ice cream bars….
    I too know the downside of the day-after-the-day after feeling, it’s just not feasible to keep the party going, so to speak, so I am trying to find a combination of things to ease the let down a little…

    Like

  2. Philoveritas79 says:

    Actually all of those things you mentioned could help, for immediate aftercare I would recommend drinking water, eating chocolate, tending to wounds, bathing, cuddling, smoking, sleeping…For drop care look to the things that provide you with comfort, whatever those are…Sometimes when all else fails a new session is the only treatment…

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.