Memoirs: By My Bedside

Somewhere along the lines of randomness I happened to have snapped a photo of the table by my bed-side, for the purposes of sharing on Twitter. I realized quickly however that there was just far too much going on in this photo to be constrained by any character-limits. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, we shall soon find out. As-promised I will attempt to catalog for all the story of those things I keep closest to me while I sleep…

I suppose most people keep their most intimate things in their night-stand, though usually tucked out of sight in a drawer. I must confess that as a boy I had an insatiable curiosity and roguish disposition and for a time I was an unabashed ninja-level snoop, and I can tell you from my misadventures that even the severest and soberest of matrons often have a sex-toy of one sort or another within reach…But enough of other’s secrets, how about my own…

I’ve accumulated quite a collection of junk over the years. Most of it unsurprisingly acquired on the secondary market from ‘junk’ sellers, though not a single bit of it is actually worthless junk. A strange passion that I have, but don’t often talk about in public is ‘picking’ vintage collectibles.  I must be quite the sight, this intimidating freak-dude in a collar bumping-elbows with old-ladies digging through bins at the local thrift-shop, or haggling with a vendor at the flea-market, but that’s what I do…

I was naturally gifted with a keen eye for appraisal of quality and value, I use these gifts to rescue hand-crafted treasures from their last chance before they end up on the literal scrap-heap, lost to history forever. This often profitable hobby has allowed me to accumulate vintage furnishings and decor at pennies on the dollar so of course some of my most treasured finds I keep next to me, though they all have their own functional purposes as well…

My bedside is an ecosystem unto itself, a living, breathing, ever adapting organic environment, moreso than a mere inventory of simply useful or decorative items. It experiences cycles of chaos and order on predictable, yet still haphazard schedules. This particular moment in time, my bedside was more in an orderly state but not at all staged for the moment, just a random flux-state captured in time…

In the bottom-centre of the photo can be seen prominently my polished straight-stemmed briarwood pipe, having started smoking a pipe with full parental consent from the age of 16, this particular pipe however is a newly purchased contemporary European-made Mitchell Thomas model. My pipe is resting in an exquisite mid-century full-lead crystal apple pipe-rest/cigar ashtray produced by famed French art-glass studio Vannes du Chatel, not some cheap glass ashtray, but a museum-quality hand-crafted work of art…

Continuing clockwise we have my drink, on this occasion a rye and coke, though the rye is a top-shelf, small-batch, award winning whisky acquired directly from the distillery, because I am just fancy like that, a recurring theme you’ll notice if you haven’t already…My drink is served in an unmarked and unidentified hand-cut antique lead crystal double-old fashioned glass. The hallmark of every billionaire or evil movie villain these glasses are so classic they have become a cliche but so rare they took me a lifetime to find in reality…

Continuing on we come upon my trinket-tray, a vintage silver-plate receipt-service tray from the time when finer establishments would use these trays to accommodate credit card transactions. It serves as a fine gentlemen’s tray for keys, change, and whatnot. It’s currently holding my solid sterling silver 100th anniversary limited-edition 1911 model reproduction Zippo lighter, a birthday gift from Mommy long ago…Housed in a simple leather belt-pouch that I’ve had through daily use for decades. An antiqued-copper pocket-watch, also a gift from my wife can be seen next to a similar copper key-chain with the back-up key for my slave-collar; the first of the few covert freak-supplies to be uncovered. Finishing off the tray, some plain scissors and nail-clippers, because Daddy got to stay trimmed-up and lookin’ fly for my Mommy…

As we continue on clockwise we find my inelegant yet effective finishing ziploc-humidor. A simple mil-spec poly zip-bag with a couple of Boveda humidity control packs and currently containing two cedar-wrapped(with virgin Cuban Spanish Cedar wraps) 15 year-aged, tripa-corta, totalmente a mano, Quintero Brevas habanos cigars. As with all cigars I recently purchase from a reputable tobacconist, my next-to-be-smoked stogies go into the bag humidor to settle and season for a couple of weeks. Next to my world-class Cuban stash can be found my heavy-duty culinary butane hand torch, used for firing up said heavenly stogies when the time is right. Tucked behind my torch, in an unassuming and unmarked child-resistant container is a quarter-ounce stash of premium, legally purchased Afghan Kush bud…

As we roll around to the centre of the photo you find my ring-dish; yes I’m a man who has a ring-dish; This one is a Marquis by Waterford, Irish crystal gem, hand-cut in the shape of a flower. It houses my perhaps overly large collection of man-jewelry, from my plain wedding band, to some antique sterling estate jewelry to my studded leather cuff I wear in lieu of my collar in polite settings. A fella needs a place to put all of his pretty adornments before settling down to the serious business of a kinky freak session, and this is mine…

Next up we have a sleeve of high-carbon steel throwing daggers. Not that it is at all unusual to find any number of random knives on my side-table at any given time. I have an unhealthy fascination with knives and I’m totally okay with that. It’s only unusual that only 3 knives can be clearly seen in this photo(though another 2 wood carving blades are there but not visible)…

The miniature lockable roadie-case is usually filled with various odds and ends, I’m not sure exactly what was in that box at this time, so we’ll just move on to the various chemicals I keep. Fuels for the lighters are mixed in with a bottle of liquefied coconut oil which we use as a general lubricant for all of the unspeakable things we do in bed, and a toy-cleaning gentle soap for other adult-needs. I don’t actually keep any sex-toys out in the open, though a usb-hub and various charging cables for many freak-ass sex toys are shoved into the back corner of the table, along with 50ft of nylon paracord for bondage and a pack of low temp candles for wax play…

And finally we get to the far corner, a pair of Mikasa crystal picture frames adorned with photos of my children. Because even though they are often just in the next room, I like to keep them close to me. The best thing though, that I always keep beside me when I sleep can’t even be seen in this photo because it is always on the opposite side of me from the table; my amazing wife, sub, and mommy, my everything…

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.