The Sub’s Side: Working It Out

My husband, who I refer to as Daddy, and I had a dying marriage. We hit rock bottom at one point but we managed to revive our relationship to the point that it’s now better than it ever was. The fact is that relationships are hard work and are constantly changing. They require both partners to put the time and effort into making it work for it to be successful. Having fun with your partner inside and outside of the bedroom is the ultimate goal. I want to share a bit about what helped us get through our worst times to be able to obtain the amazing relationship we currently have.
No matter what kind of relationship you have; whether it’s a BDSM one or not; it all starts with open and honest communication. I find that you need to enter conversations about sex and sexual desires with an open mind and not be afraid to tell your partner what you like and dislike. Daddy and I went many years without having these kinds of talks, and let me say that it was a game changer when we did finally sit down and talk about our desires and kinks. It did take time for us to be able to change years of holding back our true feelings but with patience we did manage to get there. Without open communication in our relationship we eventually found ourselves just going through the motions. Things can get quite stale and unsatisfying when this happens.
Being willing to compromise has also been important for us. When I want to be tied up but Daddy has difficulty working with rope, we use luggage straps instead. When there’s a will there’s a way. It is equally as important to compromise outside of the bedroom as it is inside. For me this is difficult as I like getting things my way and I tend to make decisions that affect our whole family on my own. I can fully admit that I’m a work in progress and even though I’ve gotten better with this issue, I still have a long way to go.
Trust is a key factor in a healthy and rewarding relationship. Sure I’ve found it exciting in the past to be with a new partner, as you get to know each other and you have the ‘butterflies’. It’s like that new car smell that is so pleasurable. Truth however, from all my experience I’ve found that being in a long term, loving and trusting relationship is when things can become next level amazing. I can fully submit to Daddy and trust that he will never hurt me. I know that he will not push my hard limits and that he will stop in a heartbeat if I need him to, while he’s pushing my soft limits. We know each other so well that all he has to do is give me a look and I know that I’ve done something wrong, or when he motions slightly with his body for me to take on a new position. There are still times that we need to communicate using actual words. Nowadays we’re not shy to do so like we may have been when we first started our journey together.
We’ve been able to have a lot of fun and excitement by trying new things with each other. This is not to say that you can’t or should not have your limits. Your limits need to be respected by your partner at all times. Don’t be afraid to push your soft limits and see where they lead you. You may be surprised to find out that what you once considered to be a limit is no longer one and that this activity is something you enjoy. Daddy had a soft limit when it came to using implements for punishment. Now we have a nice collection of floggers, paddles and crops. He’s found that the marks they leave on my body are a turn on as well as the distinct sounds each of them omits as they make contact with my flesh. I’ve been able to allow Daddy to push some of my limits as well with great success. I always thought face slapping and choking were hard limits of mine. Daddy took his time with both and is very careful on how he introduces each into our sessions. He started off playfully holding his hand to my cheek or to my throat before ever moving onto doing it in a session. We both got immense pleasure the first time he slapped me in the face during a session when he had me blind folded and tied up in a kneeling position to our canopy bed. It was enough to make me cum from just that face slap.
When it comes to trying new things I don’t know how others come up with their ideas. For me I find reading erotica can help but better yet is watching porn. There have been times that Daddy did not know that I’ve been watching videos and it’s come out in new techniques that I would use on him. He would always question where I learned my new tricks. So far so good, he’s liked all of them. When watching porn for what I call educational purposes, you need to keep in mind that there is some level of acting normally going on. For this reason I find watching amateur porn works best. Also, many of the talents in these videos have a lot of experience and it may not be possible for someone new to certain acts to perform them like you see on your screen. I know that Daddy has watched extreme fisting videos on at least one occasion. It took us awhile to get to the point that I can take his whole hand in a vaginal fisting, and it could have been easy to get discouraged in the beginning as it didn’t go like what you see in videos. Daddy and I have discussed the fact that the extreme fisting is however a limit of mine and we’re fine with only enjoying that on screen and not in our personal lives. I’ve found that great relationships will have lots of trial and error. Being there for one another to let them know that it’s OK when something doesn’t work, or when they need emotional support is very important. Not over thinking things and rolling with the punches definitely helps.
These are things that I’ve found helped us get to a great place in our relationship. Everyone is different and so is every relationship. My hope is that everyone can find what works best for them and find as much gratification from their relationships as possible.

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