This is the story of how I found my place in the BDSM life-style. Some may share very similar experiences to mine and some may be surprised by parts of my journey.
I was only 15 when I first lost my virginity. I dated the boy for 7 months, which seemed like a lifetime. I would characterize that relationship as very vanilla. There were good things and bad things about my time with him but the lasting impact that the relationship would have on me was a negative one. I had found out that he had been cheating on me with many other girls, one of which was one of my best friends at the time. From that point on I had deep trust issues and it would be a very long time before I could give my heart to another person.
I would go on to have many short term relationships and even more one night stands. All while living in a vastly vanilla world, until I found myself in a relationship with a man who was 15 years my elder. At this time I was 21 years old and still had no idea of the BDSM world that was out there. This man and I never discussed consent, limits, wants and needs. It wasn’t until recently that I was looking back at it all that I realized that he was in fact my Dominant and I his submissive. I knew that we both enjoyed our times together and that he clearly had things that he was in to sexually that I had not experienced with anyone else.
Once this relationship ended I found myself back to the vanilla world in even more short term relationships and one night stands. Roughly 2 years had passed before I found myself on a BDSM dating site called alt.com. I looked around at peoples profiles and decided that there was a lot that I wanted to try. I advertised myself as the one who was willing to make fantasies realities. I would meet many men and try many different fetishes over the next year or so. I will say that I meet some really good guys and some not so good guy this way. Also it was quite a risky thing to do. This was definitely not a safe and sane way to go about getting in to BDSM.
Eventually I got to a point that I had five regular playmates. I was not a submissive in all of those relationships and again there was very little communication going on with me and my partners. Most of these men did not know that there were other men in my life, and that was so very wrong of me. It came to a point where one of my playmates and I did decide to have a monogamous relationship. This man would later move in with me and become my husband and the father to my children. I have now been with this man for fourteen years. Our adventures together is a whole story on it’s own and I would not do it justice to gloss over it within this one.
Of course much of the details of our journey together can in-fact be found in the many articles on this blog…